Have you ever been told "try not to worry" but can't stop yourself from worrying? It's harder than you think, especially when you have something happen to you and can't do anything about it.
For me, it was being admitted into hospital because of high blood pressure.
At the time of writing this blog, literally using pen to paper from my hospital bed as I didn't have access to a computer or web just my mobile phone, I was 30 weeks & 5 days pregnant.
Friday 30 July
On Thursday I went to see my OB for what I thought would be a routine check-up and to make sure everything was going okay with the pregnancy. But soon found out that my blood pressure was high at 140/95 and reflexes where brisk. She thought it might be a good idea to admit into hospital for 24hrs under observation for my blood pressure and any potential PET (pre-eclampsia) symptoms, due to my medical history.
I quickly called my hubby who was supposed to be in Canberra that day, but luckily cancelled his trip days before...I must of sensed something was going to happen, and he came home from work to take me to the hospital and look after "Popette".
I was then checked-in to the delivery suite for observation, and to have some bloods taken before being moved to a room in the Antenatal/Maternity ward.
My OB and renal physician both visited me this morning, checking over the results of the blood tests taken and awaiting results of a 24hr urine analysis collection. At that stage they were happy that my kidneys, liver & platelet levels were all good, but concerned about my rising blood pressure (b/p), and what my results would be from the urine test.
I was asked to stay tonight so they could see what the tests were in the morning, then make a decision. Another OB was standing in for my Dr over the weekend, so she was to discuss the results of the test with me, and review my B/P from the night before.
My OB told my hubby and I that if my B/P continues to play up and results from the urine test analysis are no good then I will have to go on B/P medication, and stay in hospital until Monday or when the tablets start stabilising my B/P.
She also told me not to overdo things (which can be hard with a 2 1/2 year old) and try to rest when I can and only do things that are necessary, so leave things like housework. Maybe do housework once a week with hubby. Of course my hubby had a silent giggle to himself thinking "you don't know my wife" meaning - she's not that big into housework in any case.
My OB then assured me to try not worry too much as we have gotten to 30 weeks without any dramas until now, unlike with "Popette" who was born at 29 weeks + 3 days.
Saturday 31 July
My B/P wasn't good last night, before my OB left it was 130/98, then when it was tested again (every 4-5hrs) it was 140/90. The stand-in OB mentioned that the urine tests were good but she was concerned with the upper abdo pain I was experiencing and erratic behaviour of my b/p, so ordered more blood tests to be taken and a trace to check bubs fetal movements using the heartbeat monitor.
I know I shouldn't worry, as it probably isn't helping me or my b/p, but its hard not too.
I laid awake for 2hrs in the early hours of the morning thinking about our baby being born early, and of us going through the same ordeal we had experienced with "Popette". I was thinking of the time she was in hospital and us being so traumatised by what we went through, and of this little bubba being born early and hoping that she can be delivered full-term or close to full-term as possible.
Prior to these last few days, people would tell me to 'stay positive' and that everything is going to be okay, and that I'll go to full-term. I know they mean well, but they have no real idea of what I am going through or been through for that matter.
I'll be lucky to get to 34-35 weeks, with the way things are going.
I want to go home, I'm missing my hubby and "Popette". They came to visit me today, but didn't stay that long as "Popette" didn't want to be stuck inside a hospital room...I can't blame her I don't either! I know she is torn as she really wants to see her Mummy, but just not here.
When I was admitted to hospital while pregnant with "Popette" my hubby would spend hours with me each day, its so much harder now with a little one.
We've been lucky to spend some time together before he has to take "Popette" home for lunch, her day sleep or dinner.
Because of the erratic behaviour of my b/p - 120/100 in on instance, then 140/90 & 130/90 in other instances, I stayed another night in hospital away from my little family.
Saturday 31 July - 8.30pm
I miss my family. I just spoke to my hubby on the phone, poor "Popette" is having "Mummy Anxiety". While she seems to be coping okay without Mummy at home during the day, she's been whingy and not sleeping too well at night. And often wakes up upset.
Hubby is being strong although I can tell he's worried like hell about me, and sounds a little down when I speak to him on the phone.
It's so hard not to worry or think the worst of things.
We still haven't got bub's room ready, we're converting the study (aka "junk room") into bub's room. The room has a bookcase, sofa bed, change table and two sets of drawers currently stored in it, plus contents, so we've got to find somewhere to put everything, except for the change table which will stay.
And still have to buy furniture for both bub's and "Popette's" rooms, and decorate both rooms.
Plus I wanted "Popette" toilet trained and sleeping in her 'big girls bed', which was only delivered on Wednesday and waiting for Daddy to put together, before bubs is born.
So I'm finding it rather hard not to worry at the moment.
Sunday 31 July
This morning my b/p was 128/90 so down a bit from the evening's readings of 130/90. The stand-in OB came by to see me and discussed how I was feeling and what she thought was best for me.
I want to go home but as my b/p is so erratic the Dr thinks it best I stay another night and see my OB in the morning.
Hopefully my Dr will put me on b/p medication to help control and stabilise my b/p, and keep bub's in my tummy longer.
Monday 1 August - 31 weeks
I saw my OB this morning I think she was surprised that I was still here. I told her what her colleague said to me about my b/p and an elevation she saw in my 2nd lot of blood tests. My OB thought both were fine and thinks she may have made her colleague a little scared about me, due to my history. At least they are being extra cautious with me.
She noticed that the diastolic number had been up around 90, so after consulting with my renal physician, decided to start me on a low dose of blood pressure medication. She mentioned that if my b/p stays under 90 today I could possibly go home tomorrow - hooray!!
Again she told me to try and relax, or worry too much (that word again) as we've made it to 31 weeks, and mentioned if the baby was born in the next couple of weeks the likelihood of something being wrong with it, would be a lot of less.
I think hubby is finding it hard looking after "Popette" full-time. In a way it's good, as it gives him some insight into what I have to deal with day-to-day, minus the visits to the hospital. But I think he is slowly starting to realise why I don't get certain things done on some days or why the housework isn't always done. He's also realising how often "Popette" stops and eats, it's non-stop!!
I know it's been hard on them both, "Popette" is not dealing very well with me not at home. Hubby says she's missing me a lot, and when they leave me to go to the car she doesn't want to go.
Hopefully the aldomet will keep my b/p down and give us more time with bubs in my tummy. I have the feeling that bubs will be born earlier than later, but I know I shouldn't worry....I can't help but think about what still needs to be done, and how I am going to cope with a newborn and toddler.
I guess I haven't spent too much time thinking about juggling two children under the age of 3. I'm feeling a bit nervous to tell the truth. Hubby is the opposite, very excited that bubs will be born soon. Don't get me wrong I'm excited too, but feeling a little apprehensive as I will be the one looking after them for the majority of the time.
Monday 1st August - 7pm
Another night away from my little family.
Hubby and "Popette" came to visit me this evening. While "Popette" was happy to see me, you could tell that she's had enough of coming to the hospital. I really hope I can go home tomorrow. The visit lasted maybe 30 minutes, then she told Daddy while dragging him to the door that it was time to go and said "See you later Mum" to me, it broke my heart!
Tuesday 2nd August
I've finally been given the all clear to go home - hooray!!! My blood pressure has finally started to come down - 110/70, which is a relief. I just need to see my OB on Thursday for a check-up, and my renal physician on Monday.
What was to be a 24hr stay in hospital turned into a 5 night stay due to my blood pressure becoming erratic, along with pain in my upper abdomen which can be impending symptoms of pre-eclampsia.
I'm hoping now that I'm on blood pressure medication and with regular visits to my OB I'll last to full-term. We're just taking 1 week at a time, so we'll see how things go.