01 August 2017

Leading by example

I have been trying not to yell at my girls, it can be hard somedays, especially when I've asked them what feels like a hundred times to hurry up and get dressed for school, then I start being Mrs Shouts-a-lot and try to get them moving, otherwise we end up being late.

I know yelling isn't the answer, and I hate seeing my girls get upset with me, or worse become ignorant and no longer listen to me when I ask them to do something. Popette who is 8, acts like a teenager. She answers back, and has my 'don't even think of it look' down pat! I've been worrying myself silly (I am such a worrier!) that she's been doing 'the look' at the kids at school and answering back at them, resulting in kids not wanting to play with her. I would love to be a fly on the wall at lunchtime to see who she plays with, and what she gets up to. I just hope she's not being left out.

I can't stand people who are cruel on purpose, or say damaging and hurtful things to get someone upset or trick a person into thinking they were liked, when it was all just a joke.

Hubby and I are trying to get our girls to understand that this sort of behaviour isn't how a good friend behaves, and that they need to be nice to their friends.

Sometimes I experience problems with Popette opening up about her friends. It scares me, as I don't know what she is experiencing. When I try to broach the subject with her, she'll say "Mum I don't want to talk about it", "or it upsets me to talk about it Mum". 

Popette is such a sensitive girl, and can be a little unsure of herself. On a number of occasions she has said to me that she's "a loser". 

Just the other day, I was helping out in Popette's class for reading. I was with Popette and two of her friends playing a maths game. Popette was coming last, and moaned out loud "I'm coming last, I'm such a loser!" Usually I can tell when she's joking, but I knew she wasn't. I said to her, that that wasn't a nice thing to say about herself, and she wasn't a loser. But then one of her friends spoke up, and said, "If you keep saying you are a loser, then you'll believe it".

Popette then got out of her silly mood, and enjoyed the rest of the game. 

It's the negative talk such as that, that can become hurtful and cruel to our kids, and make them start thinking that they're not good enough.

As parents I think we need to recognise our kids attributes, even when they are struggling to find it in them themselves. While Popette can be a little grumpy, and answers back, I know she has a good heart. She is a thoughtful, loving, sweet person. She is definitely not a loser.

I know I have moments when I think I am failing terribly, and I feel sorry for myself. Thankfully, I understand my feelings and thoughts and can do something about it, but as parents we need to ensure our kids understand their feelings and thoughts, that they are enough. They are important.

We should love them, encourage them, protect them, nurture them and help them to be strong, happy, adventurous, confident, amazing little people.

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